I just needed to see you
by The Corsair's Quill
Summary: My tumblr prompts and one-shots for Captain Swan. Mostly angst
1. Numb

**So, I'll be posting all my tumblr prompts here. Mostly angst, tho.**

**Prompt: How about TLK didn't work because Killian was already dead by the time Emma got there?**

_**-/-**_

"No," she muttered, waiting for him to wake up, her hand moving up from his chest to his face, slapping him lightly, hoping to wake him up. But there was no movement.

"_No, Killian_," she croaked, not willing to believe that he was gone. She thought she'd been fast enough. She'd barely seen Maleficent's curse fly at him before he was crumpled on the ground, a large shard of glass sticking through his chest, blood oozing on the ground beneath him.

But True Love's Kiss broke any curse, so he had to wake up. There was no doubt that they weren't true love, the theory already having been tested by breaking the curse of Shattered Sight.

"Emma," she heard someone mutter, kneeling next to her. She was half sprawled across him, his eyes closed and his face wan, pale; not even a twitch. She felt a hand on her arm, trying to pull her away, but she resisted, burying herself closer to his side, not noticing the blood seeping into her clothes. "Emma, you need to let go of him," Robin coaxed, his grip on her arm tightening,

"Let me go," she snapped, pulling herself up, moving to cup his face again. "He's fine!" She shifted her eyes back to his face, gently tracing his pale features, "Killian, I know you're in there. Please _please _come back to me," she sobbed, wet splats falling on his face. "I-I need you. _I love you, I love you, I love you. Please don't leave me,_" she cried, rubbing her palm against his stubbled cheek. She moved forward pressing her lips to his over and over again, coaxing him to wake up.

Because the alternative was unfathomable, he couldn't be dead. He couldn't be gone. Just the thought alone made a raw cry wretch itself from her throat, as she kissed him harder, crying against his mouth. "You-you promised, you're a surviour. _You promised me, you idiot!_" she cried harder, shaking him.

Robin, unable to watch her suffer any longer, forcibly pulled her away, turning her away from his mate's cold, lifeless body. He felt her heave and sob gut-wrenchingly. The wicked woman had succeeded in what she set out to do, she'd broken the saviour. There's no bringing her back now.

"_No, no, no. Oh, God, no." _she whimpered in a litany, openly mourning the loss of her true love.

"I'm so so sorry, Emma," he whispered brokenly.

"_He's gone, Robin_," she broke down. "_He left me. I lost him. I lost, Killian."_


	2. Save You

**Prompt: Emma can't find Killian after her confrontation with the SQ. When she did, Gold is to the point to crush his heart**

This has been done a lot, but here's my play of it.

-/-

"Dad," Emma called out, running towards her parents, carefully cradling Neal. "Mom!" she grinned, hugging them as tight as she could without crushing the baby in her arms. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Oh, honey. I knew you could do it," Mary Margaret gushed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, then one to Neal's, tears shining in her eyes.

David held her close, his hand running through her hair gently. "I'm so proud of you, Emma," he mumbled, sighing in relief.

But before she could relax she heard the rapid clicking of heels behind her, turning to see Belle's frantic face, wet with tears. "Emma," she panted. "You need to come with me- stop Rumple. He-he has Killian," she cried, her breathing hard.

"What?" her eyes went wide with fear. If the Dark One had him, it could only mean one thing. He was up to something and it was _not _going to end well. She felt her heart race from fear for her pirate, because after the day she'd had, she couldn't _handle _it if something happened to him. "Where are they?" she demanded, her face stoic.

"By the wishing well. Emma, hurry," she urged, already running towards the direction of the well. "I don't know if he has much time." Emma and David followed her, throwing caution to the wind.

-/-

Emma's heart stopped when she saw what was happening in the clearing. Killian was on his knees, his hand clutching his chest and his face screwed up in pain, his heart (_his pure, strong, _red_ heart_) clutched in the hands of the monster. Gold's eyes brightened up with glee when she raced towards them, only to be stopped by an invisible barrier, throwing her back.

"Emma, careful," her father called, his sword poised to attack. At the sound of her name, Killian turned, almost falling over.

Gold loosened his grip on his heart, his attention focused on them now. "Hear to see your pirate _die,_Miss. Swan?" he sneered.

"Let. Him. _Go, Gold_," she growled, picking herself up.

"Or what?" he challenged. "You'll kill me? Good luck with that. One misstep from you and his heart will turn to ash," he threatened, his teeth clenched together, warningly as Killian cried out in pain.

"Em-ma," he choked out. "Get out of here," he bit out.

"No," she refused, her eyes meeting his now. "I am _not _leaving you."

"Emma…please, darling. Save yourself," he begged, his eyes shining with despair.

"Shut up, _pirate_," Gold snapped. "How about a deal?" he asked, his eyebrow raised at Emma.

"No!"

"What kind of deal?" she demanded, ignoring her father's sharp inhale or Killian vehement cries. "Swan, _NO!_"

The Dark One grinned wickedly, "Your life…for his," he proposed.

"_NO! You leave her alone, crocodile, or I swear on the Gods I will skin you alive,_" Killian swore, struggling up. He shifted his gaze to hers, his ocean blue eyes burning her, the fear and distraught clear on his face, begging her to not take the deal. But she couldn't let him die, not now when they'd just found each other.

"Rumple, wha-What are you _doing?_" Belle demanded, breaking them out of their staring contest.

"Belle," his gaze softened. "You shouldn't be here."

Her eyes grew dark, "I am _not_ going to stand by and let you kill people. People who are my friends!" she cried, her hands fisting at her side.

"Friend?" he scoffed. "The pirate who shot you?"

"No. The man who protected me," she replied defiantly. "I don't know what your scheme is, but I will never forgive you if you go through with it, Rumple."

"Belle, you don't understand…" he began, but she cut him off.

"I understand perfectly. I know I married a man who valued power above all else, but I never thought you'd stoop so low. Threatening your son's friend and the mother of your grandson. If this is your way of honouring Baelfire's life, you've _failed_." her tone full of contempt. "What you've become…there's no saving you," she whispered brokenly.

He felt his resolve weaken and that was enough for Emma, who quickly channeled her magic to break through the barrier and send the startled wizard flying, the heart and dagger in hand falling to different corners. She was quick to pick up the, rushing to Killian's side.

"You okay?" she asked, her eyes filling up, because _she almost lost him_.

He nodded wordlessly, pulling her into a tight hug as she kept the heart from being accidentally squished. He buried his face by her neck, inhaling her scent, trying to reassure himself that she was still here, that he was still here.

She pulled back reluctantly, "Let's put this back where it belongs shall we?" she smiled, placing his heart over his chest.

He placed his hand over hers, pushing it in, grimacing in discomfort as she placed the heart in place, withdrawing their hands, entwining them over his chest as she once again felt his strong heartbeat under her palm as the light returned to his eyes.

"Gods, love," he breathed. "I thought the last time I'd ever see you was at the Sheriff's station. I- I could barely say goodbye-"

"Shhh," her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "You never have to say goodbye to me again. You're okay now."

"Emma, I did some terrible things…" he began.

"I don't care," she shook her head. "You're alive. You're okay and you're alive and I don't care what you did, intentionally or unintentionally as long as I have you."

He sighed, resting his forehead against hers, "Always," he promised.

But their reunion was short lived, "I don't think so," they both heard a raspy voice call out.

"Leave him alone, Gold. You have no leverage," she warned.

"Oh, Miss. Swan. You underestimated me," he acted affronted. "I _always_ have a back-up plan." he said, holding up a blue hat.

"No," Killian breathed, standing up and pushing her behind him. "You are not harming her," his hands fisted tight.

"Oh, yes, I am."

"I don't think so," David growled, pointing his sword at him.

Gold scoffed, "You're going to stop me with that thing?"

"No," a female voice sounded, rough yet strong. "I am," Belle held up the real dagger she'd picked up from where it had fallen.

His eyes widened. "What are you doing?"

"The only thing I _can_!" she exclaimed. "I thought you were strong enough to resist the dark magic, but I was wrong. This is all I can do now."

"Belle-"

"Leave." she demanded.

"If you would let me-"

"I _command _thee, Dark One. _Leave,_" she emphasised, her eyes filling up with tears as he vanished in a cloud of purple smoke.

Everyone stood still before Emma breathed a sigh of relief, clutching Killian's arm. He pulled her close, squeezing his eyes shut and holding her tightly to him, never wanting to let go. "You're okay now," he sighed. "Thank the Gods, Emma, you're okay."

"Yeah," she whispered, pressing her lips to his softly, grazing it lovingly. "Yeah," she repeated, looking up at him with stars in her eyes. Before she could kiss him again, she heard a throat clear, altering them of the presence of others.

Both of them blushed, pulling apart slightly but still holding the other, not willing to let each other go yet (_if ever_). Belle stood next to David, sniffling and Emma felt her heart break for the woman, as she stared at the dagger in her hand. She walked over to her, one of her hands holding Killian's and dragging him along with her. She placed her other one over Belle's making the other woman look up.

She smiled sadly, "It's going to be alright, Belle," she tried to reassure her. The brunette sniffled again, nodding with a sad smile of her own. "Let's get you home," she added, giving her dad a look and he nodded in answer.

"Come on. You can stay with us for a while," he smiled, his hand on her shoulder. "We'll swing by your place so you could get a few clothes, yeah?" he asked, Belle answering with a silent nod, following the prince.

Emma watched the two go, lost in thought when Killian startled her out of it, his lips pressed to her neck. She shuddered deliciously, leaning back against him, a content smile on her face. "How about that coffee now, love?" he murmured, trailing kisses down her neck as she leaned back further to grant him more access.

"Mmm, sounds amazing," she agreed, turning in his embrace and pulling him in for a real kiss, her hands lost in his hair.

_He was safe now_.


	3. Wreckage

**Prompt: Killian is pulling away from Emma because of the heart (or more like lack of it) and Emma thinks that he doesn't love her anymore and he agree because he needs to leave her**

-/-

"Killian, what is going on?" she whispered tiredly, weary of his happy facade.

"What do you mean, love?" he smiled, but it was blatantly obvious that it was fake.

"You know what I mean," she snapped. "You've been pulling away from me for the past two weeks! You don't talk to me about it, you pretend as if everything is fine…You _lied_ to me."

"Emma…" he sighed, standing up.

"No. Whatever it is, just tell me."

When he remained silent her old fears started to resurface, making her throat constrict. "Are you- Is it me?" she asked quietly, not looking at him now.

He almost immediately went to reassure her, but maybe this might be in his favour. He _hates _himself for doing this to her, but if it means he could save her from going through what he did when he lost Milah. He would not want her to suffer that way; he'd prefer it if she thinks he didn't want her.

He breathed deeply-and his heart would have shattered if he had it-and said, "Yes."

Her head whipped up, the shock and hurt so clear in her eyes, he almost took back his words. Instead he swallowed thickly, making himself look into her eyes, memorize them, remember the look of utter betrayal and deep seated anguish and remind him of the monster he is.

"What?" she breathed out, her eyes wide.

He made himself say the words, hurt her so his death wouldn't crush her. "It _is_ you."

"Why?" her voice quavered dangerously.

"I-" he struggled to find a reason. "It's your magic," he settled, making her draw in a sharp breath. "It's volatile and dangerous. And magic is what took away everything and everyone I loved. I-I cannot be with someone who had magic," he told her, his voice cold and emotionless.

"But-you-" she stuttered, her expression so lost and confused and _oh, God, he cannot do this to her.__  
_

"I can't be with you, Swan. You're too dangerous," he said with finality, closing his eyes, unable to look at her any longer as her eyes filled with tears.

He'd never-_not once_\- thought he'd be the cause of this look on her. Broken and betrayed. But this was good. She would hate him now, but he could be alright with that if it meant she would be away from him, safe.

And so, without another word or glance at the woman he loves, he left the building, forcing himself to ignore her sobs. But when he was far away enough, he broke down, his own sobs coming from deep within his chest, bent double and struggling to breathe.

He may have broken her heart, but he was utterly and irreparably wrecked.


	4. Forevermore

**The TLK one was so sad! Why don't you try the exact opposite: Killian is too late for Emma?**

-/-

Not exactly what you'd have had in mind, but so, so evil anon…

also inspired by this, however ironic it may seem

-/-

_You could be my white knight_  
_And I could be your fairy tale_  
_And you could come and save me_  
_But that is not the end_

_-/-_

Killian jerked his cutlass from their attacker's chest, pushing him away with his foot, blood spattering on his face. The villains have not stopped coming after their family even after they moved back to the Enchanted Forest a year ago.

This new one, a witch, had a proclivity to send armies of the living dead, making it almost impossible to kill them. But Regina had come up with a spell that did the job, enchanting their weaponry to make for more efficient fighters.

He searched around frantically for his wife, both of them having been separated during the ambush. He grinned when he spotted her running towards him from the edge of the clearing, her own smile reassuring him of her safety. He started to move towards when he saw something shine behind her, but before he could think further, he heard the sharp hiss of an arrow before it hit its mark- Emma.

He gasped out loud, running towards her and catching her before she hit the ground, her mouth open in shock more than pain, tears already gathering in her green orbs. She looked almost confused as he gently lowered her to the ground, resting her head on his thigh as he looked around in rage at her attacker, but they were already gone, nowhere in sight.

Her hand came back bloody when she touched her stomach, making the breath hitch in her throat as she looked up at him with fear and pain in her eyes. He let his eyes drift over to her wound, trying to find some way to stop the bleeding, but the arrow went through her from behind; and without a doctor, he was afraid to even touch the arrow.

He felt the fear claw at his chest, his breath backing up and anguish lining his face, as he moved to cover her hand. "It-it's going to be okay, love." he promised, squeezing her hand. "I'll get you to a doctor."

"Killian," she whimpered as he tried to move her, making him stop immediately. "I-It'll be too late," he could hear the absolute terror in her voice.

"Shhhh," he chided. "Don't bloody say that, Swan. I'll go get help."

"No!" she cried, grabbing his arm. "N-not enough ti-time," she stuttered, tears streaming down her face.

He shook his head, "No. No, no, _no. _You are _not_ dying on me, Emma," he protested, his voice breaking. She closed her eyes, his pain overwhelming hers.

His hand cupped her wound, trying to stem the bleeding, "I'll be damned if I let you die," he gritted out, his eyes meeting hers, blue so striking and making her heart stutter because _she's dying, leaving him._

She placed her hand on top of his, "Killian," she breathed deeply, struggling, "Look at me," she begged, her other hand tracing his cheek softly, lovingly. He shook his head stubbornly, which made her sob out loud because she's _scared_ and _she doesn't want to leave him. She doesn't want to hurt him. But most of all, she doesn't want to die._

Her sob made him whip his head up, his eyes meeting hers again, cheeks wet. His hand, blood and all, cupped her face, shushing her softly as she cried into his chest. "I love you _so much_," she vowed before crying out in pain.

"Don't-Please don't say goodbye, darling. _Please, please don't leave me_," he pleaded, his voice thick with tears, making her cry harder.

"I don't want to!" she started to cough, scaring him further. "Te-tell my family I love them, okay? An-and Henry…he's going to need you. Em-" she was blubbering now, her words almost indecipherable. "Em-Emily, she-she won't be able to understand."

"Shhh, love. Don't talk," he leaned his forehead against her.

But she continued, knowing she was pressed for time, "But tell her that I will always love her, okay? _Promise me_ th-that our daughter will know that I'm-I'm in a better place. Killian." she demanded and he nodded wordlessly.

"And you," she cupped his face, "Don't lose your way. You are _so loved Killian Jones._ Always."

"Gods, Emma," he sobbed, kissing her almost roughly, pouring a lifetime of love into it. "Gods, I love you so much."

She wheezed as it became harder to breathe, "Killian…I'm scared," she whimpered, his heart shattering as he heard the pain so clearly in her voice. "I-I don't want to die."

He pressed his face into her neck, "I know, sweetheart, I know," he mumbled, helpless but to hold her in his arms. "I'll be here with you," he promised. "I'm so sorry," he admitted after a while.

She shook her head, "No-not your…" she swallowed thickly, "fault. Don't bl-ame yourself."

"Emma," he started, but one look from her and he stopped, pulling her closer.

"Killian?" she whispered, her voice faint. "Th-thank you. For giving me everything."

His eyes were clouded with tears making her look blurry. "Thank you, Swan. For saving me," he replied, kissing her forehead, eyes closed.

When he got no reply, his heart sank as he uselessly felt for her pulse. _She was gone_.

The forest echoed with the cry of an anguished man as he held the love of his life in his arms, her body cold and eyes closed, looking almost serene in death. He sobbed, his face buried in her golden tresses, longing to see her eyes one last time. (_And forever more)._

-/-

_But the world can spin so madly,  
And love can hurt so badly,  
And stories end so sadly,  
But this is not the end._


	5. Fear is not a safe place to hide

**Because obviously I like angst more than fluff.**

* * *

Emma woke to the sound of rustling sheets and harsh breaths, her mind on quick alert and automatically reaching of the pirate sleeping next to her. But he wasn't there, he was sitting at the edge of the bed, head cradled in his hand and stump as he tried to regulate his breathing.

She scrambled up to him, hugging him gently from behind and pressing her lips to his sweat soaked back, rubbing soothing circles against his abdomen. He'd been having nightmares ever since he got his heart back, Gold's control over him and what he made him do haunting his days and nights. He'd been an emotional wreck the first week, guilt eating him up and his nightmares worse then ever.

He'd seemed much better the past two weeks, but apparent she was wrong. Emma tried to soothe him as he frantically checked his pulse, then pressed his hand against his chest, hard, feeling the minute but strong _tha-thump, tha-thump, tha-thump_ of his heart.

He swallowed thickly, his whole body trembling as he tried to hold in his sobs. Emma simply held him tighter, one hand entwining with his and feeling his heart beat steadily under her palm. "It's okay," she murmurs, sleep still clinging to her voice. "Shhh, it's okay, Killian. It's still here. You're still here. It's okay," she soothed, pressing kisses across his shoulder blade as he shook with every sob. "It's okay," she repeated over and over as he slowly calmed down.

He turned around and buried his face his her neck, wet with sweat and tears. She held him tight, carding her hand through his hair, pressing kisses to the top of his head. "I-I thought-" he gulped, struggling to find words. "I thought he had my heart still. I thought I was going to-"

But she cut him off, pulling him back and kissing him firmly, pouring all her love and relief into it. Pulling back, she rested her forehead against his, "He is never going to hurt you again. I made sure of that; your heart is protected now. No one can take it. No one can control you ever again."

He nodded, eyes still closed. "Look at me," she softly urged, cupping his cheeks between her hands. He hesitated before opening his eyes, so blue and heartbreaking, brimming with unshed tears and anguish and Emma never wants to see that look on his face ever again.

She felt her throat constrict but she held strong, as she swallowed thickly, "I love you," she whispered it, but she never wavered, meaning every word and more. "I almost lost you," her breath hitched, "and just the thought of that- it makes my blood run cold, Killian. But I can't stand you wrecking yourself over this."

He stared at her, wide eyed and scared. "Emma…" he breathed. "I-I am always so afraid," he admitted, his voice breaking.

"That's okay," she assured him. "Because I'm always there to make you feel safe, the way you're always there for me."

His expression softened as he relaxed considerably, allowing her to drag them back into bed and under the covers. He pulled her close, her head resting on his shoulder and hand on his chest. "I love you too," he whispered into the dark, making Emma smile.

* * *

**Reviews make me smile. And update my other fics. ;)**


	6. Rain Clouds

**sentence prompt for a captain swan fic: Killian saying "David, please. Don't make me go." Nope.**

* * *

Killian sat, broken and worn, on the bed, his hands clutching a photo frame with a picture of his Swan. It was candid, taken when she wasn't looking, by the wolf girl, Ruby. Her eyes were bright with mirth, corners crinkled in laughter and hair flowing behind her in golden spun waves. She looked heart stopping. Happy.

But even this image wasn't enough to wash out the picture of blood and scarred flesh from his mind. Tearful goodbyes and heartache, hands clutched desperately as he struggled to keep the life from leaving.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a soft knock on the bedroom door, making him sigh and shift on the bed, not making an effort to move otherwise.

"Killian," came David's voice, scratchy and hesitant. "It's time," he reminded. As if he needed any reminding. _It cannot be, not so soon. It was too soon._ He gripped the frame tighter in his hand, a lone tear slipping down his face.

He could hear David shuffling outside for a moment before opening the door, quickly closing it behind him. He sighed, a long, insufferable sigh- all regret and hurt and _loss_. "It's time to go," he repeated, coming to stand in front of him.

Killian looked up, eyes red and puffy- his expression almost pleading. "David," his voice cracked. "Mate, please. _Please_ don't make me go," he almost whimpered, his grip on the frame making his knuckles turning white.

"Killian, I-"

"No!" he cried, standing up abruptly, his eyes wide and wild, his hair sticking up in every which way. "No! You don't understand. I-I can't do it, David. I can't stand there and watch-" he broke off, too choked up to finish that sentence. "Don't make me go, Dave. If you value my sanity, don't. _Please_," he pleaded, sitting back down on the bed, his head clutched in his hands in defeat. "I cannot bear it."

David knelt down next to the bed, his hand gripping his mate's shoulder tightly, trying to channel his strength through to the man- to help him get through what will be the most hardest day of his life.

"Killian, I can only _imagine_ how hard this must be for you. I-I have no words that can console you, mate. But you are my family, and we _will_ get through this. We will," he promised, conviction laced through every word as he urged his son-in-law to meet his gaze. After a long moment, silence disrupted by ragged breaths, Killian looked up, tears streaming down his face.

"I am not ready to say goodbye," he whispered.

"Neither am I," a broken voice whispered from the doorway, making both men whip their head toward the speaker, eyes wide and alert.

Emma smiled brokenly at her husband, her hand clutching her coat closer, her face blotchy with tears. "Dad," her voice broke. "Give us a moment, please."

David hesitated before nodding, leaving them alone for the first time in three days.

"Swan," Killian breathed, walking up to her, wiping away his tears. "I'm sorry, love. You didn't have to see that. You've already got a lot on your plate," he apologised, not meeting her gaze.

He heard a small whimper before she clutched his chin, forcing him to meet her eyes, pooling with tears and reflecting endless pain. She bit her lip to stop it from trembling, his brave Swan. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for," she whispered fiercely. When he looked about to protest, she cut him off, "No. Listen to me, because you don't seem to be ready to listen to anyone else. What happened to-" she faltered, "to us...It was awful. It _is_ awful. We-" she swallowed thickly, squeezing her eyes shut, resting her forehead on his as he shuddered out a breath. "We lost our child," she was crying now, her voice coming off high and broken. "You lost your child, baby. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel _anything_."

He whimpered low in his throat, clutching her to him, burying his face in her neck. She wordlessly ran her fingers through his hair, nails gently scratching his scalp. "It'll be okay," she whispered, kissing his head. "Don't push me away," she hugged him closer and he broke, tears streaming endlessly as he grieved for their child. The one that hardly lived to see a day pass.

* * *

**I hate myself as much as you do xx**


	7. I Know You

"Swan, listen to me, love. This isn't you," Killian pleaded, his ocean eyes pained and almost tearful. He clutched his side in pain. "This is _not_ you, Emma," he breathed, moving closer to her, ignoring Belle's protest from behind him.

They were the only two standing, after Emma decided to unleash her wrath on this town, Regina cowering behind, clutch her chest in pain as Emma pushed her magic against her, suffocating her.

"Oh, my God! Do you ever shut up?" Emma snapped, turning back to the limping pirate. "This _is_ who I am, Hook," she sneered, making him wince at her use of his moniker. Her eyes shined, a maniacal glint in them making even him step back in fear. "I finally feel free. I feel-I feel-," she cut off, a smirk dancing on her lips. "I feel _nothing._" she sighed, closing her eyes, a blissful look on her face. "I feel no _obligation_ to be the Savior. Or a hero. I don't feel like I have to be someone or something for anyone else. I feel free. You-" she poked his chest. "You and all the others, you held me down, held me back with your _love and hope,_" she spat. "You never wanted me to succeed. Discover my true potential. You were afraid because you are _ordinary_."

Killian looked take aback, every one of her words hitting him right in the heart, making him yearn to bring back the old Emma. _His_ Emma. The woman who would never do or say any of this. The one he loves with his entire being and beyond.

"I may not know who you are," he shot back, steadying himself. "But I know _my_Swan. I know her-you. This-this isn't right, love. You enacting revenge on the Queen isn't going to solve anything. You can't do this. You can't _kill_her!" he tried to convince her, his earnest eyes begging her to understand, to concede. To let go of this darkness that's corrupted her.

"Oh yeah?" she raised an eyebrow. "Watch me." she challenged, pushing him away with a wave of her hand, advancing towards Regina, her powers neutralised.

She directed her magic towards Regina, the light diminishing until it was all black. And all Killian could think of was the darkness that would fill her heart, if she murdered Regina. He would not let that happen to her. Not if he lived to see it.

Before the blast could hit the Queen, he lunged in front of her, pushing her away and taking the hit.

Belle screamed, running to his side as he clutched his chest in pain. He could feel the power threatening to vanquish him, the darkness spreading steadily. Emma stumbled, her own heart lurching at the sight. Tears filled her eyes unbidden, confusing her.

Why could she feel it, as if was she who took the hit. She should feel enraged that he ruined her attack, not-not what she _was_feeling. Her throat constricted as she fell to her knees beside his shaking form, her hands clutching his shoulders tightly.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" she hissed. "Why would you do that?!"

"I-I couldn't let the darkness-" he wheezed, struggling to breathe. "let it win, love. You-your light it too precious. It's beautiful," he smiled through his pain. "I couldn't let you do that to yourself."

Her heart fluttered, a voice sounding vaguely like her own sounding in the back of her mind, faintly screaming. "Why do you care?" she shook her with a humorless laugh.

He clutched her hand, his eyes wide and blue- as if what he had to say was the only truth in his life, as if she was the moon and stars. "Because I love you, Emma," he breathed. "I may not-" he arched his back, gritting his teeth as the pain became unbearable. "I may not know much about any of the things you said," he panted. "But the one thing I am certain about is my love for you. I'd sooner die than let you lose your light, Swan."

A lone tear ran down her face, her eyes furrowed in confusion as the voice in the back of her mind growing louder and louder as she leaned down, her hand cupping his cheek hesitantly, fingers running down his jawline. "You-you did this for me?" her bottom lip trembled.

"Aye," he nodded, leaning into her touch. She didn't think, listening to the voice instead as it urged her to kiss him. She gently placed her lips on his, making him sigh and pull her closer.

A light spread around them, slowly taking away the darkness, the entire town waking up from the sleeping curse Maleficent had put them under. Emma pulled back, her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears, her lips stretched in a wide grin.

"I love you too, Killian," she breathed, her forehead pressed to his. "I love you. You-you saved me," she said, awe evident in her voice.

When he didn't reply immediately, she pulled back, startled by his unmoving figure.

"He-he's gone," Belle whispered, alerting Emma of her presence.

Emma tightened her hold on him as her words registered. "What? no!" she protested, looking down at his still form.

"Killian. Killian, wake up!" she cried. "Killian, please. I'm so sorry, baby," she started sobbing, pulling his head onto her lap. Looking up at Belle's distraught face, "Do _something_! Please!"

Belle's face crumpled, her own tears streaming down her face, "I-Emma you tried to-to kill Regina with that magic. I-I can't...I don't know what to do," her voice thick, sounding helpless.

"No, no, no, no. No, this can't happen," she shook her head, looking down at him again, pressing her lips to his in a desperate attempt to bring him back. "I'm so sorry, Killian. I love you so, so much. Please, please, please," she mumbled, her voice cracking.

"Regina!" she shouted, looking up as the woman approached. "You can do something, right?"

"Swan," the woman looked pained, not an ounce of anger towards the woman who just tried to kill her. "I-I don't know if I can."

"Please, try. I helped you with your love." Emma's face was wet with tears, her voice high and cracking.

Regina sighed, kneeling next to him, her hands placed over his chest. After a moment, she sighed, looking up at Emma with a slightly hopeful look on her face. "The magic hasn't reached his heart yet, you can still stop it. You can still heal him," she smiled.

Emma struggled to reign in her emotions, her hands quickly replacing Regina's, ready to reverse the spell, only to be stopped by a hand on her arm. "I'll-I'll help," she sighed, placing her hands next to hers, drawing the dark magic out.

It had been three days since they saved Killian's life, and he still hasn't woken up. Regina had said that the exertion on his body may have been too much, so it would take some time for him to heal.

Emma hadn't left his bedside since the moment they'd arrived home, the apartment they got together, that they shared. _Their home._ She sat there, everyday, holding his hand and tracing his features, fingers brushing through his hair sometimes. Sometimes she would just climb into bed with him, her hand on his chest, lulled by the steady beat of his heart. Sometimes Henry sat next to him, reading their story from the storybook, Emma hiding her tears and smiling softly.

But she never left his side for more than fifteen minutes, her heart racing every time she was even a small distance away.

It was on the fourth day. She was just fixing some breakfast for Henry (he was back to school, now that they defeated the Queens of Darkness) and herself when she heard a very low thud from the bedroom down the hall. Mother and son shared a look before they both rushed to the room.

The moment she saw Killian sitting up in bed, her heart stopped. The next one, she was in her arms, her whole body shaking with the intensity of her sobs, her face tucked into the space between his neck and shoulders and her arms around his waist.

He was startled, his arms limp by his side for a moment before he embraced her tightly, chin placed on top her head and hand running through her hair, soothing her.

"Swan," he muttered, nodding Henry over. The teenager waited not longer than a second before he was hugging the pirate too, both mother and son almost squishing him. But he wouldn't have it any other way.

"I love you," he felt more than heard Emma mumble.

He would have said it back, but his throat was too tight. And he wasn't ashamed to admit that it was from tears.


	8. Safe and Sound

""You-you guys knew?" Emma demanded, tears streaming down her face as she moved away from her parents.

Snow and David's heart broke, seeing their daughter pull herself back, her arms around herself. David tried to reach out to her, but stopped when he noticed her step further back, now against an equally shocked pirate.

"Emma, we just wanted to keep you safe!" Snow cried in earnest.

"_You_! You wanted to keep me safe. You made the decision. You gambled with my _life_!" she accused, her hand cover her mouth in self-loathing, the memory of so much blood and destruction _on her hands_ making her shudder.

"Emma..." David trailed off, unable to come up with a reason for what they did. "Emma, we are so sorry."

"_You're sorry_?!" she snapped, Killian's hand going automatically to hold her back. "I-I _killed _people, dad," her voice cracked. "I hurt people. People I love. _Killian_ almost died!" she would have gone on, but got cut off by her sob, turning her back to them and burying her face in Killian's shoulder.

He looked back helplessly at her parents, both of them looking distraught, Snow's hands clutched over her heart.

"Emma," he sighed, his hand running soothingly down her back, exchanging her look with David. The man reluctantly nodded, moving away from the door and letting the pirate guide his daughter out.

* * *

"Swan," he tired for the hundredth time, sighing in frustration as she refused to listen to him.

"I was such a fool. I should've known when the Chernabog tried to attack me! 'A heart with the greatest potential for darkness'! My heart!" she almost whimpered, sitting down on the bed with defeat.

He hated seeing her in so much pain, the guilt eating away at her. He knelt down on the floor, looking up at her, lifting her chin with his hook carefully, his thumb wiping away her tears.

"If you could forgive me for my indiscretions, you can forgive them, Emma," he said softly, making her scoff. "No, listen to me," he urged, making her eyes meet his. "They love you and they wanted to protect you. I know how they feel, love. I kept a secret from you too."

"You're secret didn't turn my heart dark! You're secret didn't almost _kill_ you. I'm-I'm a murderer!" she sobbed, her hands covering her face.

"They are your parents, Emma!" he emphasized, pulling her hands away. "Darling, I know you are angry. And you have the right to be. And some. But you fought the darkness, you won. You _are_ light magic, my love."

"How can you even say that?"

"Because you are the light of my life. You saved me from darkness, from centuries of torment and years wanting only revenge, not living at all. You brought the light into my life. How could I possibly think of you as anything but?"

His sincerity made her speechless, fresh tears springing into her eyes.

"I love you," he stated, his lips pressed to her own.


	9. Beside Me

**deathbycaptainswan: a one shot of emma drunk and Killan trying to bring her home..(: pleasee (smuffy?) :)**

**Probably not what you wanted, but I've too may feels from talking TBAIT (The Boys are in Town) with ****orielSPNforever.**

* * *

After having defeated yet another villain, Emma and Regina decided to skip Granny's celebration for a night away from the town at The Rabbit Hole, getting sloshed. Which certainly seemed like a good idea until now.

Emma...was clumsy when she was sober, so it was just worse when she was drunk. "Bartender!" she called, her hand slapping the bar. "Get me and my girl here some more lib-lia-libations!" she demanded, giggling when she hiccoughed.

Regina was faring much better, not having drunk as much as the Saviour. "I-I think that's enough for today, Miss. Swan," she rolled her eyes, shaking her head 'no' at the bartender.

"Hey! Hey, dude!" Emma called, ignoring Regina, trying to climb across the bar.

The Queen had to literally pull her off, leading the mumbling blonde to a booth to keep her away from the alcohol. "Geez, Emma," she groaned, taking a seat herself. "What is up with you now?"

Emma pouted- actually pouted- her arms crossed across her chest, "Why can't you just let me down my sorrows?!" she complained.

"Sorrows?" Regina scoffed, "I'd hardly call this victory of ours as a failure, much less something to mourn over."

Emma leaned tiredly on Regina's shoulder, making the woman unable to move away. "That's not what I was mourning," she sighed softly, playing with the ends of her blonde hair. "We-Killian and I-found out we can't have children a week ago," she confessed, her speech slowly slurring. "I thought this would distract me," she said, suddenly chirpy, slipping out of the booth and heading towards the bar, leaving a stunned and slack jawed Regina behind.

She shook herself out of the shock, calling the only person who could help.

-/-

"Heyyyy, Sailor!" Emma called when she saw Killian, drawing the attention of the other patron in the bar. She grinned widely, picking up her glass and rushing to him, only to stumble over her own feet and almost fall over, if it weren't for quick hands grabbing her and straightening her.

Concerned blue eyes met hers, Killian's hand warm on her cheek. "Swan, you okay?" he asked, almost falling over when she threw herself at him.

"You're here!" she cheered loudly at his ear, making him wince.

"Alright, let's get you home, yeah?" he chuckled, holding her arm tight.

"But we can't leave 'Gina here!" she protested. Loudly.

He hid his smile, glancing at the scowling queen, "Just take her home. Robin's coming to pick me up," she added, when Killian looked ready to protest.

After fighting so many villains, the former ones have taken to a tentative friendship of late. He nodded, waiting as Emma went to close her tab.

Regina hesitated before she spoke up, toying with her fingers, "She-um, she brought up something..." she trailed off, unsure if she should tell him. Making her decision, she continued, "She told me that you found out you couldn't have children?" her voice was soft.

Killian's head snapped to her so fast she thought he hurt his neck, his eyes wide and jaw clenching. "What?"

Regina took in a deep breath, "She said she was here to drown her sorrows," she admitted, looking at him as seeing the pain he tried to hide behind his mask. But she could see how much it hurt him to see that Emma was hurting.

"Well," he looked away, scratching behind his ear. "We-we didn't really talk about it. She just-she was too devastated about it, I didn't want to keep reminding her."

"You guys should talk."

"Aye. We'll take our leave now. Get home safe," he smiled tightly.

-/-

"Careful, Swan," he sighed as she tripped again, making her giggle again. He shook his head, bending down and lifting her in his arms, making her shriek, laughing as she pressed closer.

It hurt him, seeing her like this and knowing how much she had to have drunk to forget her inhibitions- and apparently, her sorrows. When they'd found out, he remembers how long she spent crying in his arms, how devastated they both were. She blamed herself despite his constant reassurances. And she became reckless in her fighting, terrifying him, making him worry for her safety constantly.

He thought she'd come to him when she felt like talking, because as much as his heart broke when they found out and as much as his dreams were haunted by black haired, green eyed children, nothing matters more to him than Emma. Not even having a family of their own. They had Henry, and although he never wished to replace the lad's father, he was enough for them.

He reached the apartment, setting Emma down as he opened the door. But the second they were inside, she was on him, practically pawing his clothes off. Killian was startled by her reaction, taking a moment before closing his eyes and kissing her back, his hand blazing a trail up her shirt, making her moan and press closer to him.

Her hand bunched in his shirt, pulling him closer and slanting her mouth over his. They both had to pull away, the necessity of air becoming too much. She trailed her lips down, sucking a mark on his neck, making him grit his teeth. She pulled back, quickly shedding her coat and blouse, pulling him with her.

"Em-Emma," he tried, pulling away slightly, flustered as her hands fumbled with his belt. "Swan-wait," he protested weakly, all the time allowing her to lead him to the bedroom.

He fell on the bed with a slight '_oof_' and she pulled down her jeans, moving to straddle him, his hand and hook resting on her hips, as he tried to think about what he wanted to tell her.

"Emma," he tried again, letting out a half groan when she took him in her hands, stroking teasingly, smirking down at him. He growled, quickly shifting positions, flipping them over so that he now hovered above them.

He ran his hand up her side as he leaned in to kiss her, his hand cupping her breast, thumbing at the nipple through the material. She moaned out loud, pulling him closer by wrapping her legs around his waist, aligning their centers.

He groan, moving down kissing and nipping down her jaw, thrusting against her clothed center, making her bit his lip. She pulled him back with her grip on his hair, his darkened gaze meeting her shining green ones, making him stop.

"Swan?" he asked, cupping her face as tears filled her eyes. "Love, what's the matter? Did I hurt you?" he asked frantically, trying to pull away from her, but she shook her head, trying to bring him down for a kiss, but he was stronger and refused to relent.

"Emma," he asked again, sitting up.

She brought her hand up to her face, covering her eyes as her face crumpled. "Can you please just-" she cut herself off, her bottom lip trembling as she looked away, not wanting him to see her cry.

This worried him more than ever as he turned her to face him, his heart breaking at the pain he saw there.

"Emma, my love, talk to me," he urged, resting his forehead against hers.

"Can we please not do this now?" she whined, tears now streaming down her face. "Please just- just make me forget?" she begged, her hands gripping his bicep.

And then it dawned on him. Gods, he'd been so stupid, letting himself get so lost in the moment. "Oh, Swan," he sighed, pulling her up and setting her across his lap, his arms looped loosely around her waist. "Darling, what is going on?"

She stayed quite for a long moment, refusing to even meet his eyes, and he let her, knowing she will talk sooner or later. And he'd let her do this at her pace. "I- We-," she began, clearing her throat. "We can't have children," she whimpered, turning and pressing her face to his neck. "It's all my fault!" she admitted, his eyes widening as she confessed to her true feelings.

"Emma, no!" he protested, earnestly, making her look at him when he said his next words. "It is _not_ your fault, you hear? We-It's just not-not meant to be, for us, Swan," he swallowed thickly. "But it is in no way your fault. Why would you even think that?"

"Because it's my uterus that's unable to carry the baby to term. It's my _fucking fault_ that we are destined to lose our children before they are even born!" she snapped, her voice cracked and face blotchy with tears. "I can't even keep my child safe," she cried into her hands, her shoulders shaking.

Killian felt speechless, not knowing what to say that will comfort her. "Why can't you just-just help me _forget_?!" she snapped, her bottom lip trembling.

"Swan..." he trailed off, his hand raising to wipe away her tears. "I-" he stopped, simply moving to kiss her softly, his lips caressing hers. He pulled back, his eyes searching hers.

"This isn't the way to...- You cannot blame yourself, love. This is no one's fault," he explained. "We can't lose hope. _You_ can't lose hope."

"All I wanted was a family with you," she replied, moving from his lap and falling on the bed.

"Aye, and you have it. You, me and Henry- we _are_ a family," he smiled, moving to lie beside her, making fresh tears spring in her eyes.

"You're really alright with not having children of your own?" her voice wavered.

He hesitated before answering, "I can't lie, I always imagined us having little ones of our own. But I don't need children of my own to be happy. I just need you; I need you happy and smiling, I want to come home to you and wake up to you. I want to _live_ life with you, Emma."

"You're such a sappy idiot," she sniffled, pulling him to her.

"I love you, too," he grinned, kissing a path down her body.

* * *

**Review, please? :3**

**or leave me prompts!**


	10. Darling, every thing is on fire

**I REALLY SHOULD BE STUDYING. But this would _not _leave me alone. Sorry.:3**

* * *

Emma and Killian shuffled tiredly into the house, Emma carrying their sleeping daughter in her arms, both of them quiet, not wanting to talk about what happened.

Killian was eerily silent, his form rigid as Emma tucked Layla in their bed, sniffling as she softly brushed her dark curls away from her eyes, leaning down to press her lips against her forehead, before she adjusted the pillow under Layla's cast covered leg.

-/-

_2 hours ago_

"_No!" Emma shouted, lowering her hands when she noticed the struggling girl in the witch's grip, her claw-like nails digging into her daughter's throat threateningly. "Please, not my daughter!" she pleaded, backing away, her hands dropping by her side, her eyes never losing sight of Layla._

_"Mommy!" the girl's soft voice called, cracking in fear, making Emma's heart pound, cursing her recklessness. She should have listened when Regina told her not to go alone; but instead she pushed and now-_No. _She couldn't think like that. She couldn't afford to._

_"It's gonna be okay, baby," she called back, her hands trembling. "Let her go, Rowena," she growled, balling her fists.  
_

_"Now why would I do that?" the witch taunted, pearly whites flashing through a sinister smile.  
_

_"She's just a child!" she cried, her heart in her throat. "Please, don't hurt her," she begged, tears threatening to fall, but she couldn't lose her focus.  
_

_Rowena pretended to think, her thin lips pursed as she contemplated her decision before she smirked. "How about a trade?" she offered, her eyes flashing._

_Emma didn't hesitate before she nodded curtly, her teary eyes meeting equally scared blue ones, just like her fathers. "It's gonna be okay, baby," she whispered, walking over toward Rowena, her chin up and posture rigid._

_"What do you want?" she demanded the witch sharply, her gaze steely._

_"Your heart, for the brat's life," Rowena grinned. "Since I can't _take_ your heart...I had to take extreme measures," she shrugged, her hold on Layla tightening, making the child cry out._

_"Hey!" Emma snapped, wrenching her hand away from her daughter's arm. "You'll get what you want," she gritted out.  
_

_She didn't want to think about anything other than saving Layla right now because if she did, she's think about Killian and what he would say to this. And if she did that- She wouldn't go through with it. She can't think about him right now, because she would break and she _cannot_ do that. She had to do this, there was no other way._

_She kneeled in front of Layla, who'd been silently crying. "Mommy..." her bottom lip trembled._

_"Shhh, baby," Emma soothed, brushing her tangled curls away from her face. "It's all gonna be okay," she whispered, pulling her close, her eyes closing as she pressed her lips to her daughter's forehead. She let a few tears escape, hugging Layla tight.  
_

_"I'm scared, mommy," she mumbled into her jacket, her tiny hands grasping them tightly.  
_

_"I know, Layla," her voice broke. "But you gotta be brave for mommy now, okay?"  
_

_Layla nodded, sniffling loudly. Emma stood up on shaky legs, facing Rowena bravely. Taking a deep breath, she pushed her hand into her chest, grunting in pain. This was it. This was the moment, the end of the line for her. After all she's been through, after all _they_ have been through, this was how it was going to end. No matter how many curses she'd survived, how many realms she'd crossed, there was no coming back from this. But she could never regret it, not if it meant saving her daughter. _Their_ daughter._

_The only regret she had was having to leave behind her family yet again. More permanently this time. She only wished she could spare her daughter the pain._

_"Layla, don't look," she grunted, her eyes still locked on the smirking witch. "Look away."  
_

_"Mommy..." she cried.  
_

_"Layla, do as I say."  
_

_When she made sure Layla wasn't looking, she pulled her heart out, the breath leaving her, her eyes wide in pain. She saw the maniacal gleam in Rowena's eyes as she grinned, all teeth and thin, painted lips, making her shudder. Rowena looked at the pulsing, bright organ reverently, her hands almost trembling when she reached for it._

_"EMMA!" she heard a furious voice exclaim, making her close her eyes in pain. She really wished she could get this over with, _without _him there. She can't handle the look on his face, handle the devastation and betrayal- not after she'd promised-_vowed_\- that she would never do something like this ever again._

_"Emma, don't you dare-_Swan!" _she could hear how furious he was, turning around as she felt the wind pick up, Rowena's face turning puce in anger._

_She watched, wide-eyed, as Regina, Killian and Henry marched over, both Regina and Henry raising their hands in unison, converging their magic and pushing against the wind barrier surrounding them. Emma clutched her heart closer to her, crouching and dragging Layla towards her, protecting her. She missed the flash in Rowena's eyes, helpless when the witch used her magic and grabbed her daughter from her arms._

_"No!" Both Emma and Killian cried in unison, their voices full of terror as Rowena suspended Layla in air, heedless to the crying child.  
_

_Henry and Regina quickly dropped their hands, watching helplessly as Rowena raged, flicking her and sending Layla flying, her screams echoing through the air, making Emma's heart stop._

_"LAYLA!" she screamed, her hand reaching out, magic shooting out to stop her fall. But she barely reached her in time, unable to fully cushion her fall as Layla fell on her arm. The painful scream enough to break Emma's heart, not even caring as Rowena disappeared in a cloud of smoke.  
_

_She swallowed thickly, her heart back in place, as she watched, unmoving, as Killian rushed to their now unconscious daughter. Her heart was still race, guilt eating her up as his furious eyes turned to face her for barely a second before he lifted their daughter in his arms, carrying her to Regina's car. She couldn't move, her mind replaying the moment over and over again until Henry came over to help her up._

_-/-_

"Killian," she started, not knowing what to say to pacify his anger. She didn't even know if she wanted to. She deserved all the angry and harsh words. This was on her. She was the reason their daughter was hurt, was in pain.

He cut her off before she could say another, "You don't have to say anything, Swan." And she wished he'd shouted it, not said it so softly, so disappointed. She could handle angry Killian, but she couldn't handle being the reason for his pain.

She got off the bed, walking over to him, stopping a few steps back, hating the distance. "I'm so sorry," she whispered brokenly. "I-I wasn't thinking."

"Damn right you weren't!" he hissed, his voice not hiding his fury. "What the hell did you think was going to happen? Was there any scenario where you would have come out of this alive?" he demanded, his hand gripping her arm tightly, almost shaking her.

She pressed her lips tightly, afraid that if she opened her mouth, she'd start crying. She needed to hear all that he had to say and he wouldn't if she cried. She knew he couldn't handle her tears, knew he wouldn't say another word.

He paused, already knowing her answer. He sighed heavily, pulling away. "How could you be so _selfish_?" he snapped, slumping against the wall, sliding down to the floor.

She followed suit, sitting as close to him as she dared, silent the entire time. "You promised me you would _never_ be so reckless. That you would never again sacrifice yourself, no matter what!"

"It was for our _daughter_, Killian!" she emphasized. "_My_ daughter."

"She's _mine _too, Swan," he shot back. "I love her _just as much," _he bit out. "So don't you _dare-"_

"Stop, just- Stop," she sighed, letting her head fall back, hitting the wall with a soft _thud_. "I never meant that you didn't. I didn't know what to do!" she argued.

"We were working on a solution," he snapped.

"I couldn't wait! I couldn't just sit around not knowing what was happening to her!"

"You think I could?!" he demanded, finally turning to face her. "I couldn't _breathe, Swan_," his voice broke, making tears spring in her eyes. "I couldn't think. I couldn't focus. But I wasn't a fool to think I could face Rowena with no back up! You should have listened to Regina when she-"

"And do what, Killian? Sit around doing nothing, going out of my mind with worry, what?!" she couldn't stop the tears any longer.

His expression softened, "You should have stopped to _think_,Emma. Rushing off like that, did you want to orphan your children?" he asked. "Leave me after you promised? I absolutely cannot lose either of you, do you understand?" he sounded tired and wrecked, moving to kneel in front of her, pulling her closer.

She threw her arms around him, her face buried in his chest as she sobbed out her apologies, "I-I just wan-wanted to save her," she blubbered, her fingers digging into his arm.

He felt his heart break from her sobs, gathering her trembling form in his arm, sitting her in his lap. "Emma, I know how strong you are. And I know why you did what you did. But, _please, _love, don't do that ever again."

She nodded, "I'm so sorry," she choked out, her voice raspy from crying. "I'm sorry I was reckless and I didn't listen. I-I can't understand why you would ever forgive me-"

"Hey," he interrupted her, his fingers hooking under her chin, making her look at him. "You're my _wife_. For better or for worse, I will _always, always _love you. Even when you insist on jumping through fire and risking your life," he half joked, tracing the dent in her chin, making her lips tilt in a half smile.

"God, I was so scared, Killian. When Rowena sent Layla flying like that, my-"

"Heart stopped," he finished, pulling her closer. "I know. But you saved her."

"What if I'm not around the next time to save her?" she whispered hoarsely.

"She's our daughter. She's a survivor, love," he grinned through his tears, pressing his lips to hers, hand coming up to brush her tears away and moving down to rest against her racing heart, reassuring himself.


	11. Draw Four

**This is for a friend who wants me to 'stop with the angst already and write me a Killy-struggling-with-modern-world fic.' I hope you're happy. Now write mine.**

* * *

"This is absurd!" Killian sputtered, throwing his cards on the table as Henry smirked, collecting the spoils of his win.

"Who knew a pirate sucked at card game," he taunted, making Emma roll her eyes, going back to her reading.

"Only you would call this ridiculous thing a _game_, lad," he grumbled, crossing his arms like a petulant child.

"You're only saying that 'cause you lost," he added, shuffling the cards and raising his eyebrow challengingly.

Killian knew better, but he never backed out of challenge.

-/-

"UNO! I win!" Henry cheered _yet again_, drowning out Killian's protests for a rematch.

"Swan, your boy cheated," he complained, making Henry shake his head, failing to hide his scoff.

"Killian-" she huffed, closing her book. "You can't cheat at UNO," she sighed, going to stand behind him, her hands on his shoulders.

"Yeah," Henry piped in. "Accept defeat like a man," he added, making Emma scowl at him, silently saying _Really? _He shrugged, grinning at the glowering pirate.

"Rematch," he growled, grabbing the stack of cards and expertly shuffling them with one hand.

-/-

"Oh, Killian," she murmured, drawing closer to him as he sat sulking against the headboard. "It's nothing to be upset about."

"That's easy for you to say, Swan. You won five games in a row," he sniffed, turning his head away.

Sighed loudly because _REALLY? He's going to be all grumbly about this?_ "You wanted me to play!"

"Because I thought you'd be on my side!" he protested, his wide eyes meeting hers, looking as serious as ever. "I cannot believe you betrayed me like this, Swan."

She groaned out loud, falling back on the bed with a loud _thump, _trying to come up with something to appease him. After a few moments, she had an idea that was absolutely fool proof, making her grin.

-/-

Killian crossed his arms triumphantly as David stared at his card, looking lost. "I think that was five in a row, mate," he taunted, cheshire grin in place, making Emma shake her head, trying-_and failing- _to hide her adoring smile.

"Rematch," David demanded, scowling and grabbing the deck of card. Emma had to smother her grin when she saw him wink at her over her dad's shoulder.

* * *

**SEE? I CAN WRITE FLUFF.**


	12. La Vie en Rose

It's a few days after- after what everyone just refers to as _the incident_\- when Emma finally lets out an exasperated huff and turns to her husband, her hand resting on her slightly bulging stomach.

"Why is everyone looking so morose?" she demanded, a small crinkle between her brows expressing her displeasure.

He sighed, running a weary hand through his hair before he turned off the stove and crossed his arms. "I'm sorry, love. We didn't mean to upset you-"

"And stop walking on eggshells around me!" she cried, throwing her hands up. "I'm not going to break, Killian," she said in a softer voice, her concerned eyes taking in his wrung out form, his tiredness seeping off of him in waves.

He swiftly walks over to her, rushing to reassure her. "I know you're not, Swan. It's just-" he cut himself off, sucking in a pained breath.

She smiled at him then, a small, sad thing, the back of her fingers caressing his scruffy cheeks. "I know," she replied simply, wishing she could stop and turn back to a time when it was much simpler and happier, when they didn't _know_. She sighed, repeating, "I know."

* * *

_Five days ago_

_Emma grinned as her husband and son tried to put together the crib that they'd just got, both her boys hunched over the instruction booklet._

_"This makes...no sense!" Henry grumbled, pushing away the papers in frustration. He was all grown up now, all lanky and burly with shaggy hair that he absolutely refuses to cut- a perfect seventeen year old, if she says so herself._

_"What the bloody hell is a _Screw C_?" he shook the paper in his hand indignantly. "All this fuss over a bloody crib," he muttered._

_"We could just call Marco," Emma suggested for the hundredth time, rolling her eyes at their exaggerated protests._

_"Swan, this is for our child- a future member of our family," Killian replied slowly, as if he was explaining something to a child._

_"Yeah," Henry added. "We need to do this ourselves."_

_She shook her head, "You guys are being ridic-_Oh!"_ she exclaimed suddenly, her hand coming to rest on her abdomen as sharp pain flooded through her. Both of them were at her side in seconds, panicked looks on their faces as Emma doubled over slightly._

_"Swan!" Killian exclaimed, his hand grabbing her and squeezing tightly._

_"I'll go call the hospital," Henry stuttered out, scrambling to his feet._

_"Emma, what is it? Talk to me!" her husband shouted, his voice frantic and high._

_She wanted to reassure him, tell him that she was fine and that everything is going to be alright but she couldn't bring herself to focus on anything but the stinging pain, dark spots obscuring her vision._

_"Swan-"_

-/-

"Your mother called," he mentions nonchalantly, eating a mouthful of chilli (_which he hates, but she's been craving that a lot recently, so he eats it with her anyway_).

"Hmm," she hums with a shrug. "What did you tell her?"

"That you would call her back. I couldn't very well tell her to '_stop calling me every five minutes to make sure I'm okay, it's annoying'" _he smirks, making her roll her eyes at his attempt to copy her accent.

"But now I have to call her back," she whines, pushing away her empty bowl and crossing her arms across her chest petulantly.

It was his turn to shrug now, tongue in cheek and looking at her with a playful glint in his eyes. "It would be rude not to, love," he grins, making her stick her tongue out at him. His expression softens, "She's worried about you, Emma. She's your mother, that's what-" he cuts himself off, his eyes widening at what he'd almost said.

Emma's hands clenched as she looked away from his piercing gaze. "-that's what mothers do," she finished, her voice soft and breaking. "They are there for their kids when they need them, and even when they don't. They hover, they coddle you and protect you and-" she was breathing fast now, her eyes blinking rapidly against the onslaught of tears. Killian was by her side the next moment, his hand rubbing up and down her back, trying to find words of comfort.

"Swan..." he trailed off, pulling her into a hug. Her arms tightened around his neck as she shook with her sobs, tears staining his shirt. "Shhh, sweetheart. It's alright. It will be alright," he kept repeating, hoping that if he said it often enough it would be the truth.

-/-

_Emma was resting now, an IV attached to her arm with some kind of medication to make her sleep. She'd been half-unconscious when they'd rushed to the hospital, Killian's grip on her hand the only thing keeping her awake._

_It had been an hour since the doctors had explained what was happening, an hour since Emma had to be sedate because she grew too hysterical to be safe. Killian hadn't moved from her bedside since, his hand gripping her in an effort to tether him to the earth as he struggled to wrap his head around everything they'd just learned._

_He breathed out loud, pressing his lips to Emma's knuckles, his red rimmed eyes never straying from her face, hoping for at least a twitch. He needed her right now, he needed to know that she would be okay and that they would get through this together. They this wasn't the end, this _couldn't _be-_

_"Hey, sailor," her raspy voice drifted through his mind, clearing the fog. He shook his head, looking down at her with a relieved smile, bending down to kiss her gently._

_"Hey," he murmured against her lips, making her smile when he pulled back. "How are you feeling, love?"_

_"Sleepy, but I think that's just the meds," she whispered, staring at their entwined hands. She doesn't say anything, simply letting her head rest on the pillow, playing with his hand gently, her other hand resting on her baby bump, rubbing at it absentmindedly. He let her be, knowing that he couldn't make her talk- she would when she was ready._

_Finally, she broke the silence, "That wasn't a dream, was it?" His lips thinned as he shook his head 'no'. "Damn," she muttered, making him chuckle despite the situation._

_She finally raised her gaze to meet his, her eyes suspiciously shiny and her chin trembling slightly, but apart from that she appeared strong. "What are we going to do?" she whispered, her voice breaking._

_"We- we will figure something out, darling. I won't let anything happen to you," he promised, his gaze intense and never wavering from hers._

_"Or our baby," she added, her brows furrowing when she noticed the guilty look on his face. "Tell me that you will protect our child. That you won't let anything happen to him-or her."_

_"Emma...the doctor said we could try again-" he began, but she wrenched her hand from his hold, looking at him with wide-eyed betrayal, her hand moving to cover her mouth._

_"How could you even suggest that?!" she whispered, torn up. "This is our baby- _your_ baby." She ran a protective hand over her belly. "You can't just get rid-" she stopped abruptly, scowling in an attempt to stop the tears and looking away from him._

_His heart broke, not knowing where to start his apologies, but the thought of losing her- "Emma," he sounded wrecked. "I cannot lose you."_

_She sighed, turning to him again, "You won't," she tried with a small smile._

_"Don't make promises you can't keep, darling," he smirked weakly. He stared wordlessly at her baby bump, his hand hesitantly reaching out to touch. He sighed deeply, pressing his lips to her belly. "I promise no harm will come to our child."_

-/-

Emma had calmed down enough for Killian to let her go, hand moving to swipe at her wet cheeks. "You alright, love?"

She laughed at that, nodding slightly and then shaking her head, sniffling. "I don't know how to answer that," she laughed.

He smiled, but she could see the pain he tried to hide in his eyes, endless blue depths tormented by the very fact that rips her apart on the inside. She thumbs at the scar on his cheek, before she pushed back the hair falling over his eyes. "You'll make a great father, you know that?" she grinned when he blushed at that, the tips of his ears going red.

"Well, then, you shall make an excellent mum. I'm sure of it," he squeezed her hand, smiling up at her bashfully.

"Yeah?" she smiled at him indulgently. He nodded, an almost serious expression on his face. "No doubt about it, love. Our child is going to be so loved," he promised, his hand on her belly, softly caressing it.

She placed her hand on top of his, entwining their fingers together. "Hear that, baby? You're gonna have the biggest family in the world," she sniffled. _I just wish I would be there to see it, _she thinks to herself, knowing she couldn't say it out loud.

-/-

_When Emma and Killian finally returned from the hospital, they were greeted by the whole family- her parents, Henry, Regina and Robin- all of them sitting on the couch or hanging around the kitchen. They all looked up when they entered the house, making Emma sigh._

_"What are you guys doing here?" she asked, hanging her coat on the peg, not turning around to greet any of them. She just wanted to lie down and sleep, and hopefully this would all turn out to be a very bad dream._

_Her mother was the first to step forward, moving to hug her tight, her father quickly joining the hug, his hand smoothing down her hair gently. "We heard what happened, Emma. Henry called us. Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" Mary Margret shot, one after another, making Emma chuckle._

_She pulled back, her eyes already shining with tears, but she grinned at them anyway. "The baby's fine, mom. Everything is going to be okay," she tried to reassure them. They all turned around when they heard the sound of glass breaking, watching wide-eyed as Killian stared down at his bleeding hand, his jaw clenching. He looked up at Emma, a scowl hiding his pain before he disappeared down the hallway into their bedroom._

_Emma closed her eyes, knowing that they were going to argue further about this. She just wanted to have some quiet time when she came home, try and deal with the news by herself before she told anyone else. Now, it seems like she wouldn't get her wish._

_"Mom, what is going on?" Henry broke the tense silence, his arms crossed across his chest in the exact same way she does when she is interrogates someone. It makes her chest tighten, knowing that she might never get a chance- _

_"Maybe we should all sit down," she suggested, stopping her thoughts before they could take form. She gingerly sat on one of the love seats, hoping Killian would join them. But after five minutes and no peep from him, she resigned herself to telling her family by herself._

_She sighed, looking down at her hands rather than meet anyone in the eye. She took a deep breath, reading herself to tell the news out loud for the first time- like ripping off a band-aid. "The doctor said I could die if I have this baby," she rushed out._

_There was a collective intake of air around the room, and she could feel everyone's gaze boring in on her, but she refused to look up and acknowledge. "There's some complication- I-I could hemorrhage anytime during the pregnancy, and we could- I-" she cut herself off, trying to gather her thoughts. "If everything goes perfectly, I'll be alright. _We _will be alright."_

_"What if everything doesn't go right?" Henry asked, his voice thick with tears._

_Before Emma could answer, a rough voice answered, "We could lose her- and the baby." Killian stood at the doorway, his face shadowed and closed off, shoulders slumped in defeat._

_Her mother was the first to react, moving from her father's embrace and sitting next to her, hugging her sideways. "Well, then we just need to make sure everything goes perfectly fine," she said, her smile wide and fake, lifting Emma's spirits, knowing that she could always depend on her mother._

_"We didn't _just _save you for this, you know?" Regina sassed, but smiled at her kindly nonetheless._

_Emma sniffled, smiling at the people around her, her gaze finally settling on her distraught husband. Holding his gaze, "Could you guys give us some time alone?" she requested._

_She heard murmurs of agreement, her mother leading everyone out, shouting a promise to return later. Henry hugged her tight, telling her he'll be at Regina's if she needed him. She nodded, watching him leave with a heavy heart. She sighed, turning to face her husband again._

_"You're mad at me," she observed, standing up and walking over to him. He sighed deeply, trying to walk around her, but she caught his wrist and pulled him around to face her. Letting go of his hand, both her hands framed his face, making him meet her eyes. "Why are you so angry?" she whispered. "I thought you wanted this."_

_"Not at the expense of your life. Emma, love, I can't lose you." He sounded so broken, his voice taking an edge she'd heard only once, when she'd been ready to sacrifice herself to the Darkness._

_"Oh, Killian," she sighed, leaning her forehead on his. "You won't lose me. We've survived so much together, this is _nothing_." _

_He pulled back, wiping away a tear, making her aware that she'd started crying. "Swan, you're an open book to me. No matter how well you've convinced your parents, I know that you are terrified. Don't lie to me, that's not how we do things."_

_Her face crumpled, all the emotions that she'd kept to herself, pouring out of the carefully constructed mask as she threw her arms around his neck, her face pressing into his shoulders as she started sobbing violently, her knees buckling underneath her. He quickly caught her, carrying her back to the couch as if she weighed nothing, settling her on his lap and letting her cry, simply holding her and knowing no words will be enough to soothe this hurt._

-/-

"What do you think of Hope, for a girl?" she asked out of the blue, making Killian pause in massaging her aching feet. He looked up with a raised brow, "Hope?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah," she replied softly. "I think we all need a bit of that now and then, don't you?" she added, looking at him with a grin, knowing he could sense the meaning behind her words.

"Aye, that we could," he whispered, leaning up to kiss her gently, before leaning down and kissing her bump, his hand softly caressing it. "Hope sounds like a wonderful name," he murmured, making tears spring in her eyes, but she pushed them down, wanting to enjoy the moment.

She hesitated before she continued, "Liam, for a boy."

Killian snapped his head up, his eyes widening as tears filled them, his mouth gaping comically. "Emma, that's-" he swallowed thickly, surging up to kiss her again, his mouth slanted over hers as he cupped her cheek gently. Both of them pulled back, panting slightly. He started at her as if she'd hung the moon and the very stars he navigates by, reverence radiating off him. "I would be _honoured_ to name our son after my brother," his voice broke.

She smiled at him, the corners of eyes crinkling and eyes shining with happiness. "I love you, Killian Jones. Always."

"I love you Emma Swan," he sighed, his eyes closing as her hand shifted through his hair. "Forever."

-/-

It was a month after, when Killian felt fear like never before. "Emma!" he shouted through the house, eyes searching for her everywhere, his heart racing frantically. He'd gone back to work three weeks ago, but made Emma promise that she would answer whenever he called so that he'd know she was safe. So when she hadn't picked up when he'd called at lunch, he'd grown worried. Hoping she would call him back, he waited. But soon it dragged to an hour, and he couldn't handle not knowing if she was alright, rushing to their home to ensure her safety.

"Emma!" he called again, checking their bedroom only to find it empty, the bed neatly made. He breathed deep, trying to stem his worry when he noticed a piece of paper on the bed. He picked it up with shaky fingers.

_Hey,_

_I'm sorry I'm not home. I'm visiting Graham. I'll be home soon._

_Emma._

He breathed a sigh of relief, sitting down on the bed and letting his heart rate return to normal. He ran his hand through his hair, swallowing thickly, pushing away the images of Emma lying on the ground bleeding out that's haunted him since the day they found out.

He'd been trying his best to be there for her, to not show how absolutely terrified he was of losing them- either of them. He gave her space when she needed it, held her whenever she felt the hopelessness creep in. He didn't let her know that he could barely sleep these days, staying up late and talking to their child, wishing he could just _know_ what was going to happen.

He let himself wallow in the pain for a while longer before he stood up, rubbing at his tired eyes and grabbing his coat on the way out.

-/-

He found her exactly where she said she'd be, at Graham's gravestone, a fresh bunch of flowers at the foot of it and his wife talking softly, her hand resting on her more prominent bump. She turned when she heard him approaching, a surprised smile on her face when saw him.

"Hello, handsome," she greeted him, grinning widely and standing on her tip toes to kiss him.

"Hello, gorgeous," he smiled, humming against her lips. "I think you left your phone in the car," he added, scratching the space behind his ear.

"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed, checking her pockets. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"It's alright, love. As long as you're alright," he pulled her closer, turning back to the gravestone. "Visit him often, do you?" he asked after a moment.

She snuggled closer, letting him warm her up. It was quickly getting cold around these parts. "No... just recently," she admitted, sighing softly.

He hummed noncommittally, waiting for her to elaborate. But all she said was, "Could I have a few more moments alone? I'll join you at Granny's for hot chocolate," she looked up at him with a pleading expression on her face.

He looked ready to protest, wanting to know why she didn't want him there- but he could see how important this was to her, so he simply pressed a kiss to her forehead, promising her have her hot chocolate waiting.

She stared at his retreating back until she felt that he was safe ways away before turning back to Graham's gravestone, tears blurring her vision. "I don't know why I come here everyday. I guess I just want to believe that you can hear me, that a part of you is still there watching over us, protecting us like you did my mom. I really hope so, because I'm scared Graham," she admits, blinking away the tears. "I'm trying to be brave, and tell myself that we will survive this. But I see how scared Killian is, and my parents are, how uncertain the doctors are and- and I don't know what is going to happen. I don't want to leave anyone behind, not like this.

"And Killian, God," she sniffled. "I don't want to leave him. I don't want to hurt him, put him through the pain of losing someone he loves again. I-I don't want to leave him all alone. And my baby all alone. I know what it was like growing up without a mom, and I always thought I would be able to be there for my children. I couldn't with Henry and I-" she sighed. "I keep telling myself that it will never come to this, but that hope keeps growing dimmer and dimmer everyday. I don't know how I can reassure him without giving him false hope. I could never lie to him. He calls me an open book," she laughs softly at that.

For a long moment, she was quiet, trying to find the words to say goodbye. Finally, "I just need a sign, _anything_, that would just tell me that this would be okay. Because I really something to hold on to right now. I can't go on-" she was cut off by a large gust of wind whipping her hair around. She chuckled through her tears, pushing her hair away from her face as the wind died down as quickly as it started. "Okay, okay! I got it," she laughed, wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks. "Thank you, Graham," she whispered, her throat thick as she placed a lingering hand on his gravestone before she walked away.

She knew that that's not how life works- that you get a sign that everything will be alright and then everything will be. But when she walked into Granny's and saw the way Killian's eyes lit up when he noticed her, she found herself hoping that it did.

-/-

Liam Graham Jones was born on December 20th 2017 to two happy, relieved parents.

Emma cradled her son in her arms, careful to support his neck and cooing at him lovingly, tracing every one of his features gently. Killian chuckled from behind her, letting his son grab hold of his finger, familiarize himself with his father's tough. She looked up at her husband with a wide smile, leaning into the kiss her offered her.

"Thank you, love," he whispered, their gaze drifting back to their son who was snuggling closer to his mother, his mouth opening in a small yawn.

"For what?" she asked, equally quiet, adjusting the beanie on Liam's tiny head, her hand rubbing softly at his tiny elf ear.

"For keeping your promise," he kissed her shoulder, before bending down to nuzzle his baby. "For giving me everything."

She hummed, leaning back on his chest. "Thank you for believing in me," she joked.

"Always."


End file.
